My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
