def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
