i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
