Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
