Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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