dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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