see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
