So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
