what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
