Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think your dad took our porno
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
