in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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