The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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