She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
