He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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