you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i drank out of a bidet.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
