I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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