I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize