dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
