She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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