Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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