I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
