She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize