I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
