She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
FUCK WHALES
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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