gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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