If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
