If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
