This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize