Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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