is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize