all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
