I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
