I could have mohawked her pubes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
