I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
