I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize