i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
