I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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