Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This baby is an asshole
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
