idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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