I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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