thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
