im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
