It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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