I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
