Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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