Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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