I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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