Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
