i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
