i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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