Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
