In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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