i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
