Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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