you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
