the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
