Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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