I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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