I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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