Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
