So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i think i have two assholes
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
