i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize