The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
