I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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