You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
