I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
