I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
