jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize